Of Resolutions and Complete Life Changes

Well, like usual I am late on posting this...about 6 days late in writing about resolutions. Oh, I bet you are all excited to read about another person talking about losing weight, quitting smoking, spending less on asparagus, or whatever.

I make a bad joke, but I am a bit serious as well. I mean, maybe it is an American thing, but how many people stick with resolutions and if they do, for how long? I have never been one to really even set a resolution. Although, I do generally think about certain things that I would like to change about myself and my life. To be honest, I generally do that every day. You see, I think that I am committing one of the seven deadly sins on a daily basis. Though, looking around me, I see it happening everywhere so I am not alone. Which one you may ask? Sloth...or better yet known as laziness. Actually, I would like to think that I am not so much lazy as I am just unmotivated at times. I am not sure if there is a difference though. I think there is.

I see laziness as never actually DOING anything, whereas unmotivated is just not WANTING to do anything. The way I see it, unmotivated people actually do things (which I do), just not all the time. There are times when I get focused on something and can just work and work until I am done. However, there are just some days where I feel out of energy and really do not want to do much. Although, when I am just sitting watching TV or something my conscious is loud and active. Though I am not motivated to actually do so, I am mentally kicking myself in the butt for sitting around when there is just so much more to be done.

I think I am at the point where I can actually pinpoint what my problem/s is/are, but I need to get the motivation and perseverance to actually take action on it. I mention perseverance because once I get past the motivation aspect, my perseverance goes kaput. For instance, I started on a cafe motorcycle building project several months ago. I was so excited to get started when I got it that I spent 4 days dismantling the entire bike. Then...nothing...it is still in pieces in my basement just waiting for me to get back to it. For me I tend to get bored and something else usually comes up.

I have a lot going on (FT work, FT school, 3 kids, school activities, sports, coaching, scouts, etc.) and mine and my wife's schedules are weird too - I am scheduled to work from 8-5 and she works from 6p-3a, needless to say that is grueling. The good news is that we both work from home; however, the bad news is that we both work from home. Huh? The reason working from home is bad is because it is hard to separate work from home. I get distracted with home things sometimes when working and vice versa. I also have a bad habit of getting on my wife's schedule. When I am doing schoolwork, I generally do not get in bed until like 1:00 Am most nights. However, since my wife has started working until 3:00, I have not been going to bed until 3:00. I then have to get up at 7:00 to get the kids ready for school. Needless to say, I am tired!

Another reason I am sure I am unmotivated is because I a.) smoke (15 years) and b.) do not exercise. Actually that is an understatement. I work sitting down and have a lot of school work so I am sitting down then as well. Luckily I have not gained any weight or anything (who has time to eat with that schedule?) I hate it! I really want to stop both of those - meaning stop smoking and start exercising. I keep lying to myself and say that I do not have time to do so. This has been going on 2 years saying that now. The honest thing is that I do not have time NOT to.

I am also a HORRIBLE planner. Hate is a strong word and I rarely use it, but I HATE planning. I will admit though that when I do have a plan, schedule (and STICK-TO-IT) I usually get a lot more done. Hmm, imagine that! Usually I justify not planning by stating I am not good at it, so it takes me too long to do it, which is taking away time I am actually doing it! (I seriously think that I have Adult ADD or something!).

So, what is my point? I am not sure - I hadn't planned on having a point. But I suppose it is to say that I do not believe in New Year's resolutions. They do not work in my opinion. They are just created to be broken - and broken quickly. However, I do have goals for myself that it just so happens that I thought of right around the New Year. I refuse to call them New Year's resolutions because I do not want to break them. I need to get on a schedule with as much stuff as I have going on. I need to plan ahead and really want to stop smoking and exercise more. We shall see what the future holds. I have a whole lot more things that I want to do as well. So it is sort of a resolution package, if you will. I want to spend more time with my family, take my kids to do at least one fun thing once a week, take an actual family vacation this year, remodel and improve the house, among others. I reckon if I have a whole bunch of goals, I will meet at least one - hopefully. Quantity equals quality! Continue Reading*

I Think I Am Getting Stupider

Well, here it is folks - my very first ever blog. While I have so much to say on many topics, I can never seem to a.) find the time or b.) to synthesize them into rational and understandable thoughts.

I was not like this, that I can remember, when I was younger. Heck, I say younger like I am old and I am hoping 30 is far from old. However, up until my mid to late 20s, I had the, what you call, the "gift of gab" (I hate that 'ism). Here lately though there are more times than not that I cannot seem to get the thoughts that I have either out of my mouth on in writing. Then again, there are other times that I can deliver a prose deserving of a Nobel Prize. Actually, I am not that narcissistic - rather, I am just sarcastic.


So this has gotten me thinking - why is this happening to me? Is there some sort of degenerative medical disease that has me devolving? Nah, I doubt it. The only things I can really attribute it to is either a.) getting older (which I can feel in more ways than just that), or b.) a simple result of having so many things going on in my life that I cannot focus on one particular item for too long. Like this post for instance - I am already bored with it and am thinking of like 20 other things at the moment. Usually the things I think about are not really other tasks I have, but my mind seems to move faster than I can keep up with. Meaning - I have already thought about what the last sentence of this post will be before I wrote this current sentence. Weird, huh? Do I have adult ADD? Yeah, the drug manufacturers would love that (that is another post altogether). Again, the signs point to no. Could it be the linger effects of all the partying and drugs that I used to do when I was a "kid"? Possibly, but again, I doubt it because there are times, like I said, that I can think very clearly. Not to mention, it has been many years since I have done anything like that or have even taken a drink.

Actually, I think that the reality is that this imaginary syndrome I think that I am experiencing is more related to my perfectionist mental attitude. Here is an example - in addition to my job, family, coaching, and all my other responsibilities, I am a FT student - yeah at my age! Along with that of course is homework, including research papers. Now, one of my BIGGEST flaws is that I am a HORRIBLE planner. I generally tend to be the type of person who thinks planning is a waste of time and that those planning minutes and hours could be spent actually doing the work. Yes, even though I run into all sorts of problems that planning would have averted, I still hold firm to my convictions in that area. Anyhow, I am one of those types of people who wait until the last weekend to finish a paper that was assigned 3 weeks prior. I hate myself for this, but it is who I am.

Miraculously, I manage to throw something together just in time for the 11:59 PM deadline (usually turning it in at 11:58), all the while kicking myself for writing the worse paper that I have ever written. However, I am usually presently surprised with a near perfect grade. <--side note--->Another one of my problems is being succinct. I get to going and have a hard time concluding. The assignment will be for at least 7 pages or something like that. I will think at the start of the assignment that there is no way I can write 7 pages on something like "The History or Java Programming." (Yes that was an actual assignment). Then, when I am writing the paper and I look down and see that I am on page 13 I start to get worried about how I am going to bring this rambling to an end, and usually end up with a paper that is great in the beginning and middle, but them comes to an abrupt stop like an excited dog chasing a squirrel and reaching the end of her chain, causing her to yelp and choke and fly through the air - yeah, just like that.

See, I am doing it again with this post, so be prepared... Continue Reading*