I Think I Am Getting Stupider

Well, here it is folks - my very first ever blog. While I have so much to say on many topics, I can never seem to a.) find the time or b.) to synthesize them into rational and understandable thoughts.

I was not like this, that I can remember, when I was younger. Heck, I say younger like I am old and I am hoping 30 is far from old. However, up until my mid to late 20s, I had the, what you call, the "gift of gab" (I hate that 'ism). Here lately though there are more times than not that I cannot seem to get the thoughts that I have either out of my mouth on in writing. Then again, there are other times that I can deliver a prose deserving of a Nobel Prize. Actually, I am not that narcissistic - rather, I am just sarcastic.


So this has gotten me thinking - why is this happening to me? Is there some sort of degenerative medical disease that has me devolving? Nah, I doubt it. The only things I can really attribute it to is either a.) getting older (which I can feel in more ways than just that), or b.) a simple result of having so many things going on in my life that I cannot focus on one particular item for too long. Like this post for instance - I am already bored with it and am thinking of like 20 other things at the moment. Usually the things I think about are not really other tasks I have, but my mind seems to move faster than I can keep up with. Meaning - I have already thought about what the last sentence of this post will be before I wrote this current sentence. Weird, huh? Do I have adult ADD? Yeah, the drug manufacturers would love that (that is another post altogether). Again, the signs point to no. Could it be the linger effects of all the partying and drugs that I used to do when I was a "kid"? Possibly, but again, I doubt it because there are times, like I said, that I can think very clearly. Not to mention, it has been many years since I have done anything like that or have even taken a drink.

Actually, I think that the reality is that this imaginary syndrome I think that I am experiencing is more related to my perfectionist mental attitude. Here is an example - in addition to my job, family, coaching, and all my other responsibilities, I am a FT student - yeah at my age! Along with that of course is homework, including research papers. Now, one of my BIGGEST flaws is that I am a HORRIBLE planner. I generally tend to be the type of person who thinks planning is a waste of time and that those planning minutes and hours could be spent actually doing the work. Yes, even though I run into all sorts of problems that planning would have averted, I still hold firm to my convictions in that area. Anyhow, I am one of those types of people who wait until the last weekend to finish a paper that was assigned 3 weeks prior. I hate myself for this, but it is who I am.

Miraculously, I manage to throw something together just in time for the 11:59 PM deadline (usually turning it in at 11:58), all the while kicking myself for writing the worse paper that I have ever written. However, I am usually presently surprised with a near perfect grade. <--side note--->Another one of my problems is being succinct. I get to going and have a hard time concluding. The assignment will be for at least 7 pages or something like that. I will think at the start of the assignment that there is no way I can write 7 pages on something like "The History or Java Programming." (Yes that was an actual assignment). Then, when I am writing the paper and I look down and see that I am on page 13 I start to get worried about how I am going to bring this rambling to an end, and usually end up with a paper that is great in the beginning and middle, but them comes to an abrupt stop like an excited dog chasing a squirrel and reaching the end of her chain, causing her to yelp and choke and fly through the air - yeah, just like that.

See, I am doing it again with this post, so be prepared...